Its Botox, Baby!

When did the work place become high school?

For me high school was alright. I kept my head down, I didn’t call too much attention myself, and luckily I was too tall to be stuffed in any lockers. Regardless, I was very thankful to be out of that kiddie hellhole where you were forced to socialize with people who’s only commonality to you was proximity.  . . then I became an adult and discovered that because you work with someone you’re expected to be friendly. . .

HA! not gonna happen.

I’m not sure when I transitioned from being Daria to a mean girl.

I get it. When you’re the boss, people want you to like them. Its human nature, dare I say its downright Machiavellian, to try to cozy up to power.  The only problem is I’m kinda like a tiger in a Siegfried & Roy show.  Elegant. Powerful. Dominate. . . and I will bite your head off if you get too comfortable.

When did the need to get attention overshadow the desire for your boss to think that you are competent?  Quite honestly, I’m in this bitch like Drake #NewFriends.  I don’t need to know the ends and outs of what you did last night.  Or the play by play of your weekend. And for the love of god if you keep pacing in front of my office waiting for me to drum up conversation I will dart you like a 400lb rhinoceros!  No I did not call your name, nor do you have to come into my space to strike up conversation. Apparently its rude to scream at someone to stfu, or pray that the Lord above strikes all of the air from their lungs so they no longer possess  the ability to make their vocal cords vibrate. . .

Because Employee Relations is all, “you can’t create a negative work environment” and “everyone’s opinion matters”  I have to sit through bullshit pleasantries and later research how much botox cost. Focusing on not making facial expressions is starting to give me migraines.



I have found that the hardest part of management isn’t figuring out how to galvanize your team, or establishing a goals, or even monitoring progress.  The true test of management is learning how to not react to dumb shit.. coupling that with also withholding your praise until a desired outcome is reached.  Essentially being a manager is like being someone’s momma… minus the ability to beat that ass when someone steps out of line… so its like being a stepmomma.  The corporate world is odd.  The more professional and reserved you try to be, the more people try to get inside those boundaries to become your friend.  I try my damnedest to NOT let you know what I’m really thinking! Its for your own safety! If I said  all the things that are going in in my brain someone is going to end up crying. . .  and I won’t have a job.

So I guess even though I’ve grown and matured, I’ve still managed to stay true to my self. There is still a little bit of Daria in me.  As in I still will not suffer fools, but now I at least smile. then slowly blink until they leave my office.