After spending 40 to 50 hours a week at work your coworker begin to feel like your second family, and much like a real family sometimes you cannot pick the members who are a part of it. In my office we have one individual who is to be avoided like the plague, mostly because this person is the human embodiment of the verbal diarrhea. Most of us were raised to be polite and respectful; generally being accustomed at carrying on pleasant, yet belief, small talk. Unfortunately this individual interrupts those water-cooler conversations to be openings to divulge extended historical breakdowns into her personal life. Including descriptions of various people in her life with detail only second to that of a Game of Thrones character chart – as in its equally confusing with an unnecessarily long list of people who I can’t form an emotional attachment to (sorry I’m not a GOT fan especially after they killed off Ned… oh yeah, spoiler alert *Kanye Shrug*).
I like to refer to this brand of office menace as the Office CGR (Can’t Get Right). Mostly because any attempt at trying to relate to this person, or including them in office banter so as not to be rude, usually results in the opening of the floodgates to their particular brand of weirdness. You might mention that it’s been real nice outside and that you hope the weather keeps up over the weekend. The CGR responds with a riveting story about how the government is in league with the geometric society to cover-up the knowledge of unmapped fault lines. . .
. . . Because why the fuck not?
On the plus side the CGR can do wonders for office productivity. When the office is having a great conversation about the latest episode of reality TV or NBA finals, the minute the CRG arrives coworkers scramble like roaches when the lights get cut on. People would much rather process TPS reports, or some other act of mindless paper shuffling, than to be caught in a conversation with the office weirdo.
Subtle hints that you’d like to wrap up the conversation go unnoticed. Looking at your watch doesn’t work. Musing about your upcoming conference call that you’re late for isn’t a deterrent. When the CGR in to the room you can see people praying for the phone to ring so they can disengage from the pending soliloquy.
The Office CGR is typically the person in the office you dread being caught with alone. If you are unfortunate enough to get caught slipping it is guaranteed, WITHOUT FAIL, The CGR is going to tell you about their weekend. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t ask . . . aren’t listening. . . . Don’t care. . . .
If you don’t know if who the CGR is in your office, here’s a quick litmus test:
It’s probably you.
That office CGR is really stuff. This was entertaining. Keep these going.